Truth or Dare
by Jing269
Summary: The Bleach characters play truth or dare! But since truth is boring, we're only doing dares! Hosted by your hosts, Jing and Joanna! This is part 1/4 of our second collaboration. Parts 1 and 3 will be on my account, parts 2 and 4 will be on Cool's account.
1. Chapter 1

**Joanna:Hey guys! This is Bleach truth or dare! But since truth is really boring, we're just doing the dare part!**

**Jing: You're evil…**

**Joanna: Why do you think I'm here??**

**Jing: Good point… Neither me or Cool owns Bleach!**

* * *

Ichigo: Who the hell are you?

Joanna: Your worst nightmare… MUAHAHAHAHA

Ichigo: Oh, Shinigami.

Jing: You should really run away…

Joanna: Too late, you're already in our trap! IT'S TRUTH OR DARE TIME!!!!!!

(Rukia, Uryu, Orihime, Renji, and others appear in a puff of smoke)

Rukia, Uryu, Orihime, Renji, and others: WHAAAA ARE WE DOIN HERE?!?!

Ichigo: Guys, run! It's a trap!

Joanna: Too late, MUAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Jing: I have nothing to do with this… I'm just the camera-girl.

Joanna: Hello, we will be your truth or dare hosts today, MUAHAHA, oh, I mean, welcome. First dare, I dare Ichigo to bite Hitsugaya and run around the Soul Society, yelling what he tastes like.

Ichigo: NO (censored)-ing WAY!!!!.

Jing: (holds knife to Ichigo's throat)(in really deep and scary voice) You'll do it!

Ichigo: (sweatdrop) O-Okay…

Hitsugaya: Don't I have a say in this?

Jing: (bangs Hitsugaya on the head with a potato) NO! YOU ARE THE OBJECT OF THE DARE! SILENCE!!!!!!!

Joanna: (Holds Ichigo's head and brings him to Hitsugaya) Bite.

Ichigo: -bites- ICK!!!!! HE TASTES LIKE COLD WATERMELON!!!!

Jing: Good to know, now announce it to Soul Society! (uses her black magic to transport Ichigo to Soul Society)

Ichigo: (arrives at Soul Society) What? (runs away)

Joanna: He ran away from the dare… He must die!!!!! (tackles Ichigo and bangs him on the head with a stuffed monkey)

Ichigo: -dies- -revives- You'll never get me alive!!!!!!

Jing: Just do the dare…

Ichigo: FINE! (runs around Soul Society) HITSUGAYA TASTES LIKE COLD WATERMELON!!!!!!

Momo: (nosebleed)

Ichigo: THERE!!

Jing: Good boy, next dare!

Joanna: I dare Orihime to… feed Byakuya her cooking.

Orihime: OK!

Byakuya: Holy sweet Shinigami… Someone help me…

Rukia: Wait! This is dangerous! Nii-sama could die!

Joanna: So you wanna take his place?

Rukia: …Let him die.

Orihime: Byakuya-kun! I made a special dish for you! Look, it's fried squid with ice cream and orange juice on it! Doesn't it look good?

Byakuya: -stares- My (censored-ing censored censor censor) Holy (censored censor censor-ing censor) That looks like Mayuri's Bankai…

Orihime: That's what it was modeled after!

Byakuya: Sweet baby Shinigami! (runs away)

Joanna: Why, oh why does everyone run away from the dare?! (tackles Byakuya and force-feeds him the food)

Byakuya: I'M DYING!!!! I'M DYING AND… it tastes good… like… happiness!

Orihime: Yay! Byakuya-kun likes it!

Byakuya: Yes, I do!!!!(giggles)

Joanna: Holy (censor) did Byakuya just giggle?

Jing: I believe he's drunk from Orihime's concoction. It'll wear off in a while.

Joanna: Meanwhile, let's do another dare! I dare Renji to feed his Bankai a red pineapple.

Renji: Ne?? How??

Jing: Activate your Bankai, feed it. Simple enough.

Renji: No, I mean, where do I get a red pineapple?

Joanna: Paint a pineapple red, duhhhhhh.

Renji: Where do I get the pineapple?

Jing: (smiles evilly) You have to figure that out yourself… and you only have 2 minutes.

Renji: We're in Soul Society!! Where in Soul Society is there a pineapple?!

Jing: One and a half minutes.

Renji: (runs off to find a pineapple)

Joanna: What happens when time runs out?

Jing: I bang him on the head with this conveniently placed pineapple that was right under his seat! Hey, it's even painted red!

Joanna: And you call me evil?

Jing: Yes. FORTY SECONDS, RENJI!!!!!

Renji: (from a distance) SHUT UP!!!!!!

Joanna: Should we tell him about the pineapple?

Jing: Nahhhh…

Renji: (comes back) I can't find a pineapple!!!

Jing: Well then, I'll just have to… (bang him on the head with a red pineapple) Renji could not do his dare and has to do another one for compensation!

Byakuya: Oh, Renji! (giggles) You look so funny with that red pineapple on your head!

Renji: That's… my… HAIR!!!!!

Joanna: Moving on! I dare Renji to… Sing Baby Got Back in front of the whole Soul Society!

Renji: NO!

Jing: And look, here's a convenient little stage, right here!

Joanna: And, what do you know! Jing already sent out invitations!

(people start coming to watch Renji sing Baby Got Back)

Jing: You have no choice. Sing the song. (pushes Renji onto the stage, hands him a mic, and turns on the music)

Renji: (sings extremely out of tune) I like big butts and I cannot lie… La dee da… umm yeah.

Joanna: Eh, we'll take that. Next dare! I dare Rukia to kiss a monkey.

Rukia: Where's the monkey?

Jing: Right here! (holds up gorilla) Kiss him!

Rukia: I'd rather die.

Joanna: It's either the gorilla, or…(dramatic pause)… Kon. Take your pick.

Rukia: I choose… the gorilla.

Kon: NO!!!! WHY NIISAN?!?!

Rukia: -kisses gorilla-Oh holy…(censor)

* * *

**Joanna: And that's all for today! You can request dares but the next story will be on Sombody Cool's account! (this forces you to go back and forth between profiles to read the story ;D. We're EVIL!!!!)**

**Joanna and Jing out!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys!!**

**In case you forgot, Chappie 2 is on Joanna(Sombody Cool)'s profile ;D**

**If you wanna see it, click on my profile, then go to favorite authors and click on Sombody Cool ;D **

**Chappie 3 will be up next week!**

**Remember to request dares~~~!**

**Bunny: MUAHAHAHAHAHA**


	3. Chapter 3

**Joanna: A new feature! We are adding the Espada, Aizen, Tousen, and Gin to the mix!**

**Jing: We are also combining normal dares with dance dares! From now on, the dare object shall be given the option of a normal or dance dare!(Not that we will actually listen to them)**

**Joanna: Dare time!**

**Jing: We don't own Bleach!**

* * *

Joanna: Hello… and welcome to the torture chamber… MUAHAHA

Jing: Stop being the Phantom of the Opera.

Joanna: FINE

Ichigo: Hells no…

Jing: SHUT UP!!

Ichigo: …

Joanna: WE FINALLY HAVE A DARE!!!!

Jing: YES!!!

Joanna: OK so here it is,

_Goku76_

_Hahahahahahaha, very creative and very funny. I dare Kisuke and Mayuri to teach Ichigo, Rukia, and Orihime how to use a computer. Ichigo gets it down but Rukia and Orihime keep doing it wrong._

Joanna: YAY!! WE HAVE A DARE!!(drowns Goku76 in candy and cookies and stuff like that)

Goku76: YAY!!!

Joanna: (teleports Kisuke and Mayuri in)

Szayel: YOU!!!!!!

Mayuri: YOU!!!!!!

Szayel and Mayuri: -kill each other-

Jing: Dammit, now we only have Kisuke

Joanna: And we're down one Espada.

Kisuke: Oh well. Now, children, let me teach you the joys of the computer.

Ichigo: Umm… I already know how to use a computer…

Joanna: Then you'll learn again! (drains Ichigo's memory of using computers out of his brain)

Orihime: YAY! I've always wanted to learn how to use a computer~

Rukia: What is this _computer _you speak of?

Joanna: It's this magical box that you can do awesome stuff on like order Chappy dolls, go on Chappy websites, watch Chappy fan videos and all that (cough cough) _good_ _stuff_ (cough cough)

Rukia: SQUEEEE CHAPPY!!!!!!!~~

Joanna and Jing: (sweatdrop)

Kisuke: Lets get started.

_1 hour later_

Orihime: I'm sorry!!!! I thought it would help!!!!

Ichigo: You put ketchup and mustard all over the screen!!!

Rukia: Even I know that won't work!!!!

Grimmjow: If only we had Szayel with us… He was good with computers…

Joanna: Oh WHATEVER!!!!!

Jing: What are we gonna do about the computer?

Joanna: We'll have to get someone to fix it. Ulquiorra! Fix the computer!

Ulquiorra: No

Jing: Awww why not!??!?

Ulquiorra: I refuse to participate in this infantile game.

Joanna: OH you did NOT just call truth or dare INFANTILE!!!!!

Ulquiorra: Oh yes I DID betch

Jing: Oh your gonna PAY for that. Because you angered us, you have to do a DANCE dare.

Ulquiorra: I thought I was supposed to fix the computer…

Joanna: That was before. Since you refused, you'll have to get another dare. And we want it to be a dance dare. So you're doing a dance dare!

Ulquiorra: This is trash…

Joanna: YOU'RE TRASH!!

Ulquoirra: Whatever…

Jing: You have to do a dare either way!!

Ulquiorra: Why should I?!

Joanna: Because if you don't, you die.

Jing: You see, we have placed strategically placed tanks of pink happiness around the room and if you do not do the dare, we shall press the button and forever brighten your life!!!!!

Ulquiorra: You're evil…

Joanna: Boo hoo, now dance to… BARBIE GIRL!!!!! Or die of cheerfulness!!!!

Ulquiorra: (thinking) _If I do this, I'll embarrass myself… probably on national television, too… but I'll stay my old melancholy heartless self… On the other hand, if I don't do it, they'll take away the only thing that distinguishes myself from the other Espada… And I'll become girly… like Byakuya on the first week… maybe even worse… But-_

Joanna: _Haha hi Ulquiorra! I'm butting into your thoughts isn't that great?! _

Ulquiorra: _Dammit…_

Jing: _Hi! Can I butt in too? Too late!! Now I will activate my super mind powers of pwnag3 and make you dance!!! _(activates super mind powers of pwnag3) _YOUR WILL IS MINE!!!!! YOU SHALL DANCE!!!!! LIKE HANNAH MONTANA!!!!! _

Ulquiorra: Must… DANCE!!!! (grabs a blond wig from nowhere, puts on sparkly clothes and bad makeup) I'm a Barbie girl~~ In a Barbie world~~~ Life is plastic, it's fantastic~~~

Joanna: MY EYES!!!! I'M SCARRED FOR LIFE!!!!!

Jing: I got it all on camera!!!!! (holds up camera) let's publish it!!!

World: HAHAHAHAHA WHAT A n00b!!!!!

Ulquiorra: -keeps dancing-

Jing: (de-activates super mind powers of pwnag3) OK!! Next dare!!

Joanna: I dare Tousen to… eat this ice cream cone!

Tousen: PHEW I got lucky!

Jing: Yes… haha… you did~!!

Tousen: Something is suspicious here…

Jing: No! Nothing's hahaha suspicious!!

Joanna: Eat the ice cream.

Tousen: OK. (eats the ice cream) AAH!!!! YOU HAVE POISONED ME!!!

Joanna: No, you fool. We have not poisoned you. We have merely… (quickly) fed you Orihime's cooking!

Ikkaku: NOOO!!!! (runs away screaming and shielding his bald head)

Tousen: La dee da~~ the world is full of rainbow ponies and sunshine monkeys~~!

Jing: Tousen!! Get back here!!

Tousen: Why~~!? We have all the time in the world, sweetie!!(changes into serious face) However, since there is no way to create time or destroy time, there is no way to waste time. In the same manner, there is no way to properly have time, since time belongs to everyone, and at the same time to no one. Assuming that is true, how could we waste time or save time if we never had time to start with? Continuing on, tim-

Joanna: Tousen, that was really smart, but when I really think about it, it was really stupid!

Jing: Joanna, I believe Orihime's cooking made Tousen all philosophical.

Joanna: I believe so. (knocks Tousen out) Finally, we're rid of that headache.

Jing: Last dare of the week! We dare Gin to open his eyes and frown!

Gin: What?!

Joanna: You know, you really should have seen this coming. Every Bleach truth or dare fic on this site with you in it asks you to do that.

Gin: I thought you two would have been different!!

Joanna: FINE!!!! Just open your eyes and frickin stick your tongue out and act like a hippie or something!

Gin: …Well, that's different, at least… OK I'll do it. (tries to open eyes but fails)

Jing: WTF?! You did it in the manga and the anime!

Gin: Well everyone knows those are FICTION!!!!

Joanna: GASP!!!! NO THEY'RE NOT!!! TAKE THAT BACK!!!

Jing: Let it go, Joanna.

Gin: (keeps trying to open eyes and keeps failing)

Joanna: Open your eyes, you stupid Joanna!

Jing: O_o What?!

Joanna: Well, I have small eyes… (crawls into fetal position and cries)

Jing: Well, now that Joanna has finally cracked, we'll end it here! Bye!

Joanna: (attempts to say bye but just cries more)

* * *

**Jing: And they all lived happily every after… Wait! We still have one more part! Part four! Request dares!**

**Joanna: If you want it to continue longer than four parts, then we need to get exactly 29 reviews in 13 days!**

**Jing: (smacks Joanna) No we don't! We just need people to tell us if they want it longer, you idiot!**

**Joanna: (SOB)**

**Joanna and Jing out!**


	4. Chapter 4

**You know where to go :P**


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